Adventures of the Bored Shitless

The other night I was trying to think about something exciting I'd done recently and was a tad annoyed when I couldn't think of a single thing. I've said this a million times before, but I really need to get my butt in gear and start doing some outrageous activities so that I don't end up being one of those old biddies who talk about nothing but the weather. When I'm old children will cower, not just because I dislike them and will send my evil cats after them, but because they'll be terrified I'll corner them and regal them with another boring story about the time I got excited because M & S had a 50% sale on their gourmet microwave meals for one. It'll be like that film, Airplane, where every time Robert Hays tries to tell his life story to the passengers they kill themselves one by one (apologies if I've just spoiled the storyline for you, but quite frankly...you should've watched it by now; it's a classic). 

I've had some fabulous holidays in Canada, Spain, Italy, Cyprus, and various locations in the UK (although strictly speaking I don't really count my own country as a holiday, more of a I can't afford a decent fucking holiday abroad, kinda trip). I've also done a few cool things; if you take away the vertigo and projectile vomiting in the car home, followed by a raging headache; the skydive in 2002 was pretty epic. I raised £500 for the MS charity and Dyspraxia Foundation, so I can tick "do something worthwhile for charity" off my bucket list. I've met every comedian I've been to see, thankfully none of them were arrogant assholes. After I shook Lee Evans hand I vowed not to wash my hand ever again, but that dude is just so damn sweaty.

I've met shit people and I've met great people, I've also had some great times with great friends (is that too much over-use of the word great?) but I always feel like something's missing. I've never understood why some people have no other goal than to get married, have kids, give up work. That, to me, is just like saying "I give up". Maybe I'm being harsh, I just don't know why someone would want to limit themselves to possibilities. It's bad enough I can't get to auditions and theatre plays because of work, if I had kids I'd be limited outside of work too. I envy people who are easily satisfied. 

I spent a day at the amusement arcades with Emma a few weeks back and it was such a good laugh. I spent about a tenner just to win four Simpsons key rings but I love the thrill of winning, regardless of the quality of the prize. When they fell into that little tray I felt like I'd conquered the world. At one point I'd run out of two pences, so I had to run...run... to the change machine to get more. I kept looking back to make sure nobody had jumped in my spot; I was more than prepared to smackdown anybody brave enough to swoop in and win Marge Simpson....who I'd left teetering on the edge. After the arcades we had a laugh at the penis-shaped sweet rocks and marshmallow boobies - as one does on a trip to the seaside and went home marvelling at the junk we'd won that day, not even caring that we'd probably dropped fifty quid between us on shit we'll put in the junk sale the same time next year. These are the days of our lives! 

Whilst I want to continue these good times with my friends, I also want to broaden my horizons too. I think I've been in Norfolk too long, I've become glued down to one place looking no further than my own town for things to do. Work sucks me dry Monday to Friday, so I need to utilise this precious thing called; weekend. I'm slowly working through my bucket list, but I'm going to add to it now. I want to share exciting stories with my niece (when she's old enough not to allow her mind to be warped), and have her admire me for all the amazing things I've done. When I die, I'm having engraved on my headstone; "She stopped being boring with plenty of time to spare". I also want to make sure I'm buried with Homer, Marge, Lisa and Maggie; those suckers cost me over a tenner, and half hour of my time, I'll be buggered if I leave them behind.