The Olympics. Oh how I couldn't give a flying relay baton about the Olympics. I know it's been a world-wide tradition since 700-odd BC, but it's nowhere near as exciting as it used to be - if history is correct. For a start, the Ancient Greeks would play the games completely naked. Now, this instantly improves my opinion of the Olympics by at least 50%. The comedy value of watching the naked mens hurdles, willies flapping up and down, is far greater than the supposed enjoyment of watching men jumping over stiles in boring old lycra.
The Olympics of the early centuries was brutal. Bring back chariot racing!! How many people actually sit and watch the rowing and cycling...? I find it incredibly dull. Plus, as you know, I'm not a great fan of cyclists.
I'm also annoyed by the disruptiveness the games are causing. Imagine those people working in London being held up because one of the runners decides to take a sprint down the local McDonalds. I don't understand why they should get right of way to people trying to get to work. Of course I know an athlete wouldn't want to go to McDonalds before the games, but you know what I mean. Maybe I should've said Yo! Sushi.
The opening ceremony last night lasted over three hours. Instead of watching a DVD together as planned, Mr Z decided to watch the entire ceremony instead. More disruption! "It's a once in a lifetime opportunity to watch this"! people cry. No it's not. BBC will be ramming it down our throats once the Olympics is finished between then and the end of time. Plus there's always You Tube. I watched the first ten minutes just to be sociable, as everybody else in the house were watching. I think it was a good idea to tell a bit of the history of Great Britain, I do love history; the suffragettes, the industrial revolution, the men fighting for our country in WWI & II, but I'd've rather seen it done in a slightly less pretentious way. What the hell was all that waving and swaying about?? Considering the man who put it together was the same guy who made a film about junkies and a drug addict sifting through human faeces to get to his ecstacy tablet, I was rather disappointed by the wetness of it all. It was boosted to pretentiousness of epic proportions when Kenneth "can't direct a movie without starring in it" Brannagh came strolling out into the field quoting Shakespeare. No doubt ole Ken will have a permanent erection all week following his starring performance. I'll admit the set was pretty impressive, but the cost of the performance slightly dampened my enthusiasm. £42 million is the estimated cost of the ceremony. Not to mention £400 million for "building consultants". All in all the estimated cost is between £5 and £20 billion. So Great Britain is skint is it..? I'm so glad we were able to put all those people out of work, and even more ecstatic that nurses and the like are being handed pay cuts, just so we could stage sports in London and attempt to win sports we've always been shit at. That's not impressive, that's just sickening.
The English are crap at pretty much most sports, so why are people getting excited that we now have an even bigger choice at stuff to be crap at? I do hope "Team GB" win a few golds (silver and bronze are bullshit, if you don't come first you've lost. Why take a consolation price to show you're not quite good enough??), but I might get bored hearing about it for the next forty years, as we have been since England won the World Cup in 1966. 1966!!!
The one thing I'm happy about in regards to the Olympics is that it's disrupting the schedule of Eastenders and BBC3 programmes. Even I prefer sports to terrible acting and programmes about pikeys and chavvy women in labour. Well done and thank you on that account BBC!
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