Meet The Parents

This weekend is the weekend my boyfriend meets my parents. I was very tempted to wind him up and describe my Dad as being similar to Bricktop in the film Snatch, maybe throw in a few made-up stories of ex-boyfriends being beaten to within an inch of their lives just for not holding doors open for me or something. A friend of mine does actually call my Dad Bricktop and I told this to Mr Z - who looked at my face desperately searching for a hint of humour. He really has nothing to worry about this weekend, other than to make sure he's as polite as he always is. In fact, he only needs to be himself and they'll like him straight away. But maybe I'll just wind him up a little anyway.

We were due to visit them today but unfortunately illness has struck. It's true what they say about blokes when they're ill, they turn into complete and utter wimps. Being the devoted and caring girlfriend that I am, I made him get out of bed to fetch me the laptop, just to prove that he isn't in fact disabled. I did make him a toasted sandwich though and I bought it up to him. See, I can be caring too! Sadly, he felt well enough to go downstairs for a dirty fag. I shouldn't complain too much really, I was ill last night and he played the dutiful caring boyfriend very well indeed.

We'll be venturing back to Lowestoft tomorrow, providing the illness has passed of course. I will have to go regardless, as Mr Z's birthday presents are sitting in my cupboard at my parents house. There aint no way I'm buying a second lot of presents!

I have to admit it is pretty nerve-wracking meeting your partners parents for the first time. I never worry too much about what people think of me, I am what I am and I can't change for anybody, but if a relationship works out to be a long term thing you really don't want to be spending the rest of your life bitching about the in-laws. Thankfully Mr Z's Mum and partner are pretty laid-back and I know where I stand with them - if I'm being a pain in the arse they will tell me so. I'm rather good at being a pain in the arse, so I think I've gotten away with it pretty well so far. His sister was my biggest worry; no matter how much siblings bicker, they always look out for each other one way or another. Mr Z's Mum told me if his sister didn't like someone she'd make it very obvious. Thanks Mrs Z, that really helps my nerves! Sisters judge their brother's partners a lot worse then Mothers do - trust me. Luckily we got on fine when we met, but that may be partly due to the fact that Mr Z's previous girlfriends were socially retarded (according to his sister). So at least I can rest easy in the fact that I'm ok - possibly only because I'm being compared to total numbskulls. Yippee.

I remember the first time I stayed over at Mr Z's, I didn't sleep a wink all night. I've been told I talk in my sleep, so what if I said something stupid, or even worse - mentioned another guys name! Or even worse...farted in my sleep! I had an epic belly ache the next morning as I spent the night tensing my gut to stop any *ahem*...excess breezage slipping out. Don't even get me started on using the toilet; what if he hears me peeing? To this day, over a month on, I still cannot perform "two-sies" in Mr Z's house. What if it didn't flush? You've seen Dumb and Dumber right..? I don't want a recreation of that bathroom scene, I'd never be able to show my face here again!

But I say all this, I don't really think Mr Z is all that nervous. If he is he's not showing it. If anyone should be nervous about him meeting my parents it's me....my Mother still has a large supply of my baby photos on display. Eek!