A few of my mates have recently been trying to convince me to start internet dating. I have to say I'm not sure I'm keen on the idea. I dated two guys quite a few years back having met them via My Space (do you still remember My Space??) and it did not go entirely smoothly! One dumped me by text after having cheated on me at the Download festival (great, I lose out to a skanky goth chick who shits in a field and doesn't wash all weekend), the other turned out to be a real dark horse - and not in a good way. Due to the nature of My Space being open to all to read your profile, I got quite a few private messages from desperate weirdos wanting to "poke me"....or whatever it was My Spacers used to do to try and provoke a reaction. Thankfully I've only had to "ignore" three random friend requests on Facebook so far. Quite frankly, if you're too tight to pay for a profile on a proper dating site - what makes you think I'd date you? You're likely to be one of those guys who suggest you "go dutch" on a first date and, I'm sorry, but I like my first dates to be strictly British.
I received an email last week from a guy I went to school with. I have to admit I never really gave him a second thought at school, I was too busy chasing the cool funny boys (and subsequently being rebuffed by the cool funny boys), but he's actually turned out pretty well. He just broke up with his girlfriend earlier in the year and noticed that I am now single again (yawn!). I started to think he may have potential - nice looking and a good job is always a flying start. I haven't seen him since high school so I have no idea what kind of a person he is now, but he seemed like a good lad back then. I don't remember him dating anybody, although it wasn't really proper dating back then was it? When you're fifteen years old dating means eating your lunch together in the playground, holding hands and snogging outside the chippy.
So anyway, we're emailing about what we've been up to recently and he presents a proposal, which I truly believe he probably spent a long time thinking about; "Do you fancy getting together some time and having fun, to fill the gap whilst single"?
To fill the gap...???? Really?? Is this really how guys "woo" nowadays?? I've certainly heard some bollocks chat-up lines in my life ("Hi, I'm Fred Flintstone...wanna make my bed rock"? was actually a genuine line I heard one time), not to mention straight out blunt requests like "Do you wanna come back to mine and fuck all night"? A particularly romantic line I must say. But asking if I'd be interested in being a gap filler between girlfriends is surely crossing a line? I bet even those numpties from The Only Way Is Essex wouldn't dream of using a line like that! Needless to say, as much as I miss having sex, I politely ignored this romantic gesture.
I know of a few people who have made internet dating work for them. In fact, I'm going to be bridesmaid for my best mate who next year is getting married to her fiance whom she met online. But given the fact that I have been so extremely unlucky with guys in the past (and present!) I'm not sure I want to take the risk. The last thing I would want is for my parents to receive a phone call from the police to say they've found my body in someones dustbin, or in a cellar belonging to a Russian sex trafficker. At the very least I'd receive no matches whatsoever once I'd vetted them. My "no kids, must earn good money, must own a car, must not be Take That/X Factor/football fans, must have own hair, not smoke, not be an alcoholic" requests are, evidently, proving very hard to work with!
So I think I'll stick with the old fashioned routine of meeting a guy face to face, thus ensuring I don't fall into the trap of believing his profile picture is recent and not in fact taken five years ago when he was fifteen stone lighter.
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