Talking about the car wash yeah

Today, after breaking my back washing my car with a bucket of water, I have come to the conclusion that the hose pipe ban can kiss my aching arse. Me not being the fittest person in the world - and having back problems, I found it knackering (not to mention messy) to be carrying large buckets of water back and forth through the house and having to bend and crouch down to scrub all the crap off the car.

I'd like to know how they're counting on catching people out. Will they have hose-pipe ninjas hiding in people's rose bushes? That could be painful. Or maybe a stealth hose-pipe army crew hovering over East Anglia in an invisible plane - like the one in X Men - ready to parachute down and arrest the offender mid-watering the Geraniums. Or maybe the local Government will hire a group of those local people to spy on us, like those ones who volunteer to stand by the road with a speed gun and catch people out. They have a name but I can't remember what they're called...........oh yes that's right: wankers.

I like to grow my own vegetables. Last year was tomatoes, spring onions and beetroots. This year is tomatoes & spring onions again, with the addition of peppers and turnips. I sure as heck ain't going round the garden with a watering can, having to keep filling up every 2 minutes. Oh no. I will use the easiest option: the hose. Unless of course we get our usual British Summer of rain, rain and more rain - then I won't need the hose after all! Will the nation using hose pipes really make that big an impact? I mean, whilst the Government and "VIP's" are driving around the country in their 3 litre Bentleys and zooming across from country to country on their private jets? Will watering the Begonias once a week suck the country dry? I'm sure we needn't worry about that, there're plenty of melting ice caps to solve that problem. Phew, what a relief that is(!)

As for washing my car - don't worry, there's no need to report me. As I heat up a wheat bag in the microwave and hunt for the Ibruprofen I have decided to allow those nice people at the local car wash do the hard work for me. Just doing my duty and keeping them in work. I'm all heart.