Sing the blues

Excitement for things to come - growing. Worry for things to come - also growing. I'm so 50/50 at the moment I'm surprised I'm not growing a split personality. I think about the party, Dublin, starting a college course which won't cost me anything, and I get excited. Then I remember the reason I'm doing a course - can't get a job. I think about a member of my family who's in hospital at the moment, I think about my looming credit card bill, and so on. Even my bread is 50/50. The negativity outweighs the excitement at the moment and I'm in danger of becoming Alanis Morissette if I don't perk up soon.

For every good thing which occurs, I can't seem to shake off a little niggle on my shoulders telling me things like "It won't last" and "He's only being nice to get into your pants" and "It'll probably end up costing you double", etc, etc. Even the weather has turned shit now, it's like it's altering to suit my mood! I should cheer up if only to get rid of my white bits. 

The college course sounds good at least. If, after I've gained extra qualifications, I still can't get a job in this dead-end town, I am definitely upping sticks. I know the grass isn't always greener but as long as it doesn't turn a weird shade of brown then I think I'll be on the right track. There isn't anything in my life right now telling me I've got something to lose, so should an opportunity come up - I'll take it. So many times I've said I'll go for something and then changed my mind at the last minute, either afraid that change might not be good or me allowing something (or someone) to hold me back. This time I'm saying a big fat "bollocks" to my fears. I shall be a success, and I will be fabulous at being a success! This time next year you'll pick up a book in Waterstones, for your child, and it'll have my name on it. But not just my name - my best "Author's Pose" picture in the back of the book. You'll look at my name and say "Hey, she's the woman who also has her own successful jewellery website with her friend" (not out loud obviously, you'd look a bit mental). 

I've cheered up already!