I'm feeling a bit of a cynic today. I sometimes have ups and downs in general, but today I woke up with a little black cloud over my head - meterphorically speaking of course; I wasn't sleeping outside in the rain. My day didn't start off too well anyway, so it kind of set the tone for the rest of the day. Shame really after I had such a nice time last night and managed to talk and laugh all night with a really good, pretty like-minded mate (plus there may have been pizza and alcohol...)
I wonder if the grass really could be greener for me..? I sometimes stop and think to myself "you shouldn't be so negative, there are lots of people in a far worse situation than you"....then I cheer up a bit. Isn't it awful how one can be cheered up just knowing other people are suffering? That was rhetorical by the way, you don't need to confess that you agree with me...I know you do.
I get the feeling sometimes that I'm unwittingly holding myself back. I often curse myself for not having complete confidence in my actions. Or complete confidence in myself, period. Is there anybody who feels 100% confident with everything about them? If so, does this make them lucky.....or just damn weird? I'm going to have a "reflection" day today. I'm currently in a temporary job at the moment which will end after 4 weeks; before that time is up I'm going to make a pact with myself that I will decide what I want to do, where I want to be, who I really am; and whether or not I can make myself believe the grass really is greener.
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