There are many things that get on my wick; being overly zealous about political correctness, Human Rights tossers standing up for convicted criminals, Health & Safety rules, Ben from Eastenders...the list is endless. I'm not going to get on my soapbox today because I haven't got the energy to write a blog as long as War & Peace, but there are a few things I'd like to address.
Do you remember the joy of winning conkers at school? Do you remember how fun British Bulldog was to play? Do you still have that large collection of Pogs you won off your mates in the playground that Summer? Well savour those thoughts, because your kids nowadays will never know how fun school used to be. Conkers is banned because kids "might" get hurt. Trees are being chopped down because a branch "might" fall on someones head. Pogs were eventually banned in school because it made the children competitive. Oh please. Do you think kids aren't already competing at who's got the better grade? Or who's got the better lunch? Or who's got the best pair of Adidas trainers? You don't have to ban Pogs to eradicate competitiveness and you certainly don't need to ban conkers to stop kids getting hurt. After all, did you ever get through school without seeing a good ole punch-up? The ironic thing is, I knew teachers who used to lob blackboard rubbers at pupils who dared to talk during class...and they were't rubbery rubbers, they were made of pure hardwood. Every day, young children are exposed to some kind of danger and you can't protect them by limiting their activities. Anyway, what's even more dangerous than conkers is putting school children in a science lab with working gas taps. Who hasn't ever sneakily switched on the gas taps during lessons and faked "gas poisoning" to get out of class...?
When you think about it, if we banned every single thing that was politically incorrect, or offensive in some way, children would never have any form of entertainment. Everybody has heard the playground song "Ring a Ring O'Roses" - the nursery rhyme from the late 1700's which is, allegedly, about the Black Plague of the 1600's. So it's ok to allow children to make light of this? "Hey, hundreds of thousands of people died from a terrible disease...let's sing and dance about it!!!"
We allow children to watch films like Snow White, which should really be re-classified as "video nasty"; A hitman is ordered to rip out the young girls heart and, after he fails in his task, she runs away and joins a group of perverted little old men who make her wash and clean for them. She's then poisoned to death by her own Stepmother.
Disney's Aladdin - showing kids that it's cool to steal.
Beauty & the Beast - having amourous feelings towards a hairy beast with tusks? Perverted.
The Ugly Duckling - teaching kids that they will never be popular if they're ugly.
Probably the worst offender in my eyes is Mary Poppins. Before showing the movie to your children can I at least ask you to take them on a trip to the East End to prove that No, Dick Van Dyke, that is not how we speak!
Let kids grow up properly. Let them continue those good ole playground traditions that will make their childhood last that little bit longer before they grow up and discover Class A drugs. When your children grow up and have kids of their own, what do you think they're going to say when their children ask them what games Mummy and Daddy played at school? "Ah yes, do you remember dear when the teachers used to roll us outside in our sun-proof bubbles and plonk us in the middle of the playground to just stare into space? God, those were the days."
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